When We Come Back

Because international adoption has become much more popular over the last few years, there is much to read on attachment and bonding from those who have been there already. It is quite interesting, but makes perfect sense considering the situation...most of what popular theory teaches parents having birth children, doesn't apply to our situation AT ALL. Because Landree will have learned that most of her needs don't get met...we need to re-teach her that we ARE there to meet her needs. This means, at least in the beginning, not to let her "cry it out" at night when she wakes up, but to go to her immediately. It is also recommended that we allow her to sleep in our bed at night, to help promote attachment and bonding. There is also talk of not "passing her around" when we get home, or at the least, only us caring for her (feeding, bathing, changing, etc.) That way, she'll know exactly who her parents are and who she can rely on. Not to worry, though...there will be plenty of time for family and friends to dote over her... when she's ready. There have been few major problems experienced with the child bonding to the adoptive parents, although the amount of time it takes varies. Sometimes it is immediate. Normally, the child warms up to the parents over a couple of days and bonds in a short period of time. There have been instances where it has taken over six months to form a very tight attachment. Landree has been in an orphanage for the first nine months of her life. We don't know how, if or when her needs were met. We don't know if she was able to bond or not to a nanny or caretaker. Even though she may be too young to communicate her feelings, she may grieve for a period of time, either outwardly or through withdrawal. This grieving is actually an important factor in bonding to us. We cannot force this and we have to keep in mind that she didn't choose us, we chose her! Most of the kids travel relatively well, but there is some strain involved with strange new sights, sounds, smells, and all the people who look different. When we return, we'll have to give her all the time she needs to become accustomed to her new surroundings. If she is shy and reluctant to be passed around, please understand. After a short period of adjustment, if everything goes well, she'll quickly transition into being a confident kid. We plan to take as much time as possible to retreat at home and bond as a family, but we promise not to disappear for too long!

I want to thank all of our friends and family for all of your support over the last 22 months. Thanks Gina, for helping me with this post! Your experience has saved me many times! Four days to go!